We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
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