Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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