A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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