You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
