we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I want her autograph on my taint
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
