you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
