I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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