i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
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