I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
