i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
