You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
