my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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