you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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