my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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