he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want nice things and good sex
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize