eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
