there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
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we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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