So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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