that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
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