im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Randomize
