I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Randomize
