Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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