I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I just forgot I was standing up.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
