If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
