Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
