Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I am full of burrito and curiosity
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
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