im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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