What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
