dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
my poor anus
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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