i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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