what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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