I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
