Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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