I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
