Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Randomize
