Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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