I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
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