Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
