im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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