We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Randomize
