Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
hell yes lets make some ravioli
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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