White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
