I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Two words: blizzard sex
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
