I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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