Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
