I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Randomize
