My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
