Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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