life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
