FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
