just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
