i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
