...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
