I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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