Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
