I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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