I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
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he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
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