I cockslap morals
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
