a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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