i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
