matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize