Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
