i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
