instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
i now understand why vodka
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
