I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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