she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
