I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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