It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
