great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
