if i can run in heels then i can drive
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
